Problems with being witty
by Akita
Summary: Another stupid idea of mine... Xellos decides to tease others not Filia . Will he succead? And how will he end? Whare and with who? I can only say, that I have some reasons to make the secondary genre 'romance'...XF
1. Part 1

Allright, what can the title be...hmmm...  
  
No idea... Mayby simply  
  
PROBLEMS WITH BEING WITTY  
  
My another stupid idea... Anyways, R&R   
  
...how do you, people say this?  
  
Oh yes, PLEASE...!!!!!!!!!! R&R !!!!!!!!!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Slayers gang decided to spent night in a small tavern. After veeeery   
  
big supper everyone went to their rooms. Everyone exept Xellos. And Xellos...  
  
Xellos was bored. Extreamly BORED. Travelling with Lina & co wasn't   
  
as funny as it used to be in the past. Teasing Filia wasn't as funny   
  
as it used to be before... She was also tired of his stupid jokes, so  
  
her negative emotions weren't like before... So he was bored...  
  
"Boring, boring, boring... What can I do... Teasing Filia is boring...  
  
Hay, wait a minute, is there only Filia ? I have others! " he grinned evilly   
  
"Let's have some fun..."   
  
And with that thought he teleported into Lina's room. There was silence for a   
  
while, but than...  
  
- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! XELLOS! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM!   
  
I'M TAKEING A BATH! GET OUTTA HERE! NOW!  
  
- Hay, I'm just...  
  
- FIREBALL!!  
  
Xellos quicly run out from Lina's room. He stopped downstairs to catch a   
  
breath, whan he spotted that...  
  
- *sniff sniff* There's something burning in here. Wait a minute... IT'S MY HAIR!!  
  
After 10 minutes of running, shouting, and searching of water mazoku finnaly put   
  
out fire from his head.  
  
- Ouch, I definitely prefer Filia's mace than that... OK, teasing Lina wasn't such a  
  
good idea, maby I should try with others...  
  
And he teleported into Gourry's room. But he wasn't there, so Xellos teleported to Zelgadis  
  
room, than to Lina's room ( AAAARGHH! GET LOST! ) and than to kitchen. Gourry was of course   
  
there.   
  
- Hello, Gourry!  
  
- Mpfthpfropdy - answerd Gourry with mouth full of food.  
  
- You know, there is three-headed donkey behind you.  
  
- Really? - and blonde haired swordsman turned around - I can't see anyone.  
  
- Now he's in front of you.  
  
- Really? - and Gouury turned around again  
  
- Why, he's really quick... He hid under the table, quick, mayby you'll catch him!  
  
- All right... come here donkey... come to daddy...  
  
And he got under the table.  
  
- Hay, Xellos, there's nothing in here!  
  
- I saw something moving in the fridge, look there..."It's even easier than teasing Filia...  
  
too easy... Mayby I should try with Amelia..." - ahd he teleported away. Gourry crowded from   
  
the fridge.  
  
- He isn't here. Xellos where did he go? Xellos? Xellos? Oh no! That three-headed donkey has eaten  
  
Xellos! I'd better tell this to Lina...  
  
Trickster Priest appeard in front of Amelia's room. HE thought of way to irritate her. Than he saw   
  
Gourry running in his direction.  
  
"Oh no... now THIS is boring..."  
  
- Xe.. Xel.. Xellos... did you see Lina? I must say her that one three-headed has eaten you. Where   
  
can she be? - asked Gourry trying to catch breath  
  
- Emmmm... in her room?  
  
- Right! You now what, you're genius! I would newe think about that! Thanks!  
  
- Yeach... You're welcome...  
  
"I'd bet you'd never think about thit... actually you don't think.. and about Amelia... I got idea!"  
  
With this words he teleported into her room. Uder her bed. Black haired girl was sitting in front of   
  
mirror and brushing her hair. Mazoku grinned happily. "Here we go" he thought. Than he changed his   
  
voice, so he sounded more dengerously now.  
  
- Hah, hah... I'm an evil monster and I came here to destroy you in name of unjustice. Buahahahahah!  
  
Amelia turned around quicly. She was really scared.  
  
- Wh..who are you? Where are you!  
  
- Hahah! I'm Black monster, the worst monster of all! And I hate justice! You can't see me, but I can  
  
see YOU! Hahah! Now I'll destroy you!  
  
Amelia jumped from the chair she was sitting on, than she jumped on her bed, than on wardrobe, and   
  
finnaly she laded on the floor. For a moment she looked around .  
  
- Ha! You unjustice monster can't get me! I'm too powerful for you! And that's becouse justice   
  
always wins with unjustice! So, you monster should leave your unjustice buisness, becouse you know,  
  
that you won't win with me!......... Em, mr. monster? Hello? Are you in here?............ Well,   
  
it seems, that I scared him with my justice speak. And my justice jumps. And I didn't fe..eeeeeel  
  
down!  
  
Last words were said when Amelia stumbled. And she falled down in front of her bed.   
  
- Auch, it hurt...- than she looked under bed - Mr. Xellos! What are you doing under my bed? And why   
  
are you green?  
  
- Toilet... - answerd mazoku holding his mouth. "Have to remember, that her justice speeches are   
  
noxious..."  
  
Running from Amelia's room (toilet was in the corridor) Xellos almost run into Gourry. Mazoku quickly  
  
passed him and run to toilet.  
  
- Hay, Xellos, wait! Where's Lina's room? Xellos...? AAAAAA! Three-headed donkey changed Xellos into MARTIAN! AAAAAAA!   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
After 30 min...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Trickster Priest came out from toilet. "Her speeches made me really sick... I really WASN'T good idea to   
  
tease Amelia... so there's only one left..." And he teleported in Zelgadis room. Hymera was sitting at   
  
desk with lots of books beside him. Xellos quietly approached to him.  
  
- Bo!  
  
- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaargh!  
  
Zel was so suprised, that he jumped up and... stuck in the ceiling. After a moment he fell down with lots   
  
of debris and plasters.  
  
- Zel, you are stressed, don't you think, that you should get some vacation?  
  
- You, you...  
  
- Why so nervous?  
  
Zel's eyes were red of anger.  
  
- Calm down... Zel?  
  
They almost poped out from his face.  
  
- Zel?  
  
- ARRRRGHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Xellos came out from Zelgadis room with a big, black eye and few bruises.   
  
"Also not good idea...I'm hopeless... I can't tease anyone diffrent than Filia... "   
  
He was veeery depressed... Than he got another brilliant idea.   
  
"I'll go and destroy some village. It has always cheered me up. Yes..."  
  
And he teleported away. Few moments later he re-appeard with bot black eyes, more bruises and few wounds.  
  
"Even villages are not the same... Or I'm hopeless... "  
  
He sat down on chair and started to knock his head against the table. Everyone stared at him oddly.  
  
Waiter came to him and asked if he could help him (well, he didn't want that strange guy to frighten   
  
his customers)  
  
- Yea... Beer...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Manwhile...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Filia was in good humour. Namagomi didn't bother her for whole afternoon, so she was happy. She ate lunch and she didn't had to chase anybody to get it or take dead rat FROM it, she went for a walk and now she was in very good mood.  
  
So, when she enterd the tavern and whan she saw some depressed purple haired figure sitting at one table she decided to have some fun...   
  
- Hello, namagomi! - said Filia cheerfully.  
  
'Namagomi' rised his head. He cured himself from black eyes etc. but he was still looking rather piteously.  
  
- What a beautyfull day, ne? Sun shines... actually now it's setting. But it's also beautyfull!  
  
She knew, that her words made Xellos sick.  
  
- Filia, leave me alone...  
  
- Oh, did I bother you? You want me to go away... Hay, it reminds me some situation... But I remember it in the other  
  
way...  
  
- Just leave me alone...  
  
- Depressed? Why? Why can be the almighty namagomi no baka dapressed?  
  
- ...  
  
- Mayby he finnaly realized, that mazoku are worser than ryuuzoku ...  
  
- No, I didn't say THAT ! And you're not better than me!  
  
- Am I? Mayby we should make a little contes to see it?  
  
- Nach...No, I'm not in the mood...   
  
- So, you give up! I won!   
  
Xellos new, that she won't leave until he gives up. And he won't give up.  
  
" Now I now how she feels whan I tease her... but I don't have a mace so it seems that I..."  
  
- OK Filia, I undertake your challange. What type of contest sre you thinking of?  
  
- Mayby...- she wasn't ready for that situation. Whan she saw that mazoku is so depressed she thought that he won't take up her challange. So she choose the first thing she had on her mind. She saw a tin of beer next to Xellos and...  
  
- Drinking contest! First drunk person...or namagomi... looses!  
  
- Drinking? Filia, I thought that dragons don't drink beer!  
  
- Are you afraid that you'll loose?  
  
- With you? Never.  
  
- Waiter, beer! - shouted Filia - Ten please!  
  
- Filia, if you plan to stand only ten, I can say that I won.  
  
- I took only ten becouse I thought that you can't stand even one. Nine would be for me to   
  
celebrate winning.  
  
- Only in your dreams, dragon.  
  
- Yeach, sure... Ready...  
  
- Steady...  
  
- Go!  
  
And they started drinking.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I wanted to make it one-shot, but I don't like too long stories...  
  
I'd prabobly write the rest today, or tomorrow... I don't know... I'm hungry...  
  
As always...  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Slayers. Otherwise I wouldn't be hungry now...  
  
Eat... 


	2. Part 2

Ooops... It got me more than two days to write it...Well, I didn't have time...  
  
And I was not in the mood...And my computer decided to make my life funnier and didn't work for few days... I'll kill him someday...  
  
Thanx for reviews! Arigatou, merci, dzieki...  
  
Oh, yes...   
  
- ... - this is said  
  
" ... " - and this is thought  
  
=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=  
  
- Yeach, sure... Ready...  
  
- Steady...  
  
- Go!  
  
Xellos and Filia started to drink beer, one after another. For all the time they looked in each other eyes searching for first signs of being drunk. Actually, none of them was in the mood for such contest, so they hoped that it would end quickly.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
2 hours later...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
- You give up, you ne... *hickup*, nana...nama...  
  
- Namagomi...*hickup*  
  
- Yeach, namagomi... what does it mean, anyway...?  
  
- No idea...  
  
- ... and why are we drinking...?  
  
- No idea... but it's preety fun, I guess  
  
- *hickup*  
  
- ... You know what? I'll tell you a joke. One man comes to bathroom and he sees a spider. This spider asks him "Do you have a glue?" "No" "So bye". This situation repeats next day, man comes to bathroom, spider asks "Do you have a glue?" "No" "So bye". And it repeats every time when guy goes to bathroom. Few week later man gets angry and he buys glue. And when he comes to bathroom and spider asks "Do you have a glue?" guy starts to jump, dnace and shout "Yes! Yes! I have glue! I HAVE! I have! Yes! Yes! Glue!" Spider looks at ans says "So bye".  
  
- ... Is that all?  
  
- Yes.  
  
- Oh, hah hah. Ha...  
  
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Autors note:   
  
Well, this is my favourite joke and I wanted to put it somewhere later...And I don't understand, why nobody loughs from it... =(  
  
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
- Yeach, that was funny... mayby I'll say something funny. About certain blonde - Filia touched her hair and smiled - One blonde saw a shop with large neon "Frames*Reproductions". An dwhat did she thought? "I've heard about Picasso, Manet, Leonardo da Vinci, but I've never heard about Frames, he must be famous painter..."  
  
- Hah hah hah.   
  
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
Autors note:   
  
And this one is... well... you know, I'm blonde too... I found that I was wrong only becouse I went to that shop...   
  
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
  
- Hah ha... I have never thought, that you would let me laugh from yourself...  
  
- Yeach...  
  
- You know... I like blondes...  
  
Filia looked at Xellos  
  
- And I don't mind men with purple hair...  
  
They came closer to each other...  
  
- And you have beautyful blue eyes...  
  
- And yours are... in that incredible shade of amethyst...  
  
Sitll closer...  
  
- With your face you could become model... Only your tail...  
  
- You don't like my tail? Aww... - Filia's tail touched Xellos led lightly  
  
- Who said that I don't like your tail?  
  
Their faces only few inches from each other...  
  
- I think that with that pink bow it looks very sexy...  
  
- Do you want to have a closer look on it? - said Filia and smiled kittenishy  
  
- Oh, is it an invitation?  
  
- Mayby...  
  
Xellos came closer, so their lips met and in that moment they telepoted away. Actually - to Filia's bedroom.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
In the morning...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Xellos woke up.   
  
- Ouch, my head... I think I drank too much beer... I remember that I wa sdepressed... An dthan FIlia came.. And than we had drinking contest... And than... - his eyes widend - Oh no, don't say that we... - he turned around just in time to see Filia open her eyes. For a moment she looked at him sleepy, than her eyes also widend and she was about to scream when mazoku coverd her mouth with his hand.  
  
- Don't shout! Don't you think, that this situation is enough uncomfortable and we DON'T need others to see us TOGETHER, NAKED, in ONE BED!  
  
Filia calmed down and lowerd her head. When Xellos took his hand she whisperd  
  
- Did we...?  
  
- Well, I'm afraid, that yes...  
  
Filia turned, so Xellos couldn't se her face. For a moment she was about to burst into tears but than she got an idea. She slowly stood up not allowing Xellos to see to much and she started to look for her nightgown.  
  
Meanwihle Xellos was looking at ceiling and thinking about something. Suddenly he spoke:  
  
- You know what, Fi-chan? When we were drunk we acted just like normal people - we didn't htought about what we did in the past and that are races hate each other. Mayby we should forget about who we are and behave like normal people? It's pointless to hate each other just becouse we were tought so. We have our own lifes and nobody can tell us what to do.   
  
Filia mumbled something under her nose. She finnaly found her nightgown and dressed in it. Xellos continued his monologue.  
  
- Our races hated each other for years. They killed each other, but none of sides was right. I think, that that night we've made the first step to reconcile ryuuzoku and mazoku? What do you think about it, Filia?  
  
Filia came to bed, lied next to Xellos and coverd herself with eiderdown.  
  
- Only in your sick dreams, Namagomi. - she grinned evily - Better dress up. Xellos rised an eyebrow.  
  
-AAAAAAAAARRRGGGGGHH! YOU PERVERTED NAMAGOMI!!! GET OUTTA FROM MY BED!!! LINA! HELP!!!  
  
- Filia, what the hell are you doing? - asked mazoku  
  
- Revange is sweet...  
  
In this moment Lina opend the door and run in their room with Amelia and Zel. They all gasped when saw Filia and Xellos in one bed.  
  
- What are you doing? - shouted Lina  
  
- It's.. it's that STUPID HENTAI NAMAGOMI NO BAKA! When I woke up he reappear next to me and he wanted to... to... - Filia whisperd sometnig in Lina's ear. She blushed and widend her eyes.   
  
- WHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAT?! You... You pervert! First you come in MY room when I take bath and that THIS! You'll regret that! Darkness beyond...  
  
- NO! LINA, STOP! IT WASN'T LIKE THAT! WE WERE DRUNK AND...  
  
- No, Mr Xellos! - said Amelia ( while Lina was casting her spell ) - You should take responsibilyty for what you do! And that was very unjustice!  
  
- But...  
  
Suddenly Amelia gasped.   
  
- Lina, last night he was also in my room! Do you think that he...  
  
Lina stopped casting spell and stared at Amelia.  
  
- Very probable.   
  
- Hay, it's not like that! I just... WHY DON'T YOU BELIVE ME?!  
  
- We should trust you? YOU?  
  
Xellos turned to Zelgadis, who didn't say anythig since he came.  
  
- Hay, Zel, my pal, you belive me?  
  
Zellgadis grinned.  
  
- Zel? My pal? Friend?   
  
'Zel' rubbed his fist.  
  
- I always wanted to do this. - he said.  
  
Now Xellos was in reall trouble. Lina starded to cast Dragon Slave, Amelia borrowed mace from Filia and Zelgadis just approached with deadly expression on his face.  
  
- Hay, wait a minute... I can explain...  
  
- GET HIM!!!  
  
Xellos knew, that they won't even give him time to telepot, so he started running away - Lina, Amelia and Zelgadis behind him. Filia lay in her bed and sighed with happiness.   
  
- Nice night, and even nicer beginning of the day. Life is beautyfull!  
  
In this moment somebody knocked at the door. It was Gourry.  
  
- Filia, did you see Lina's room? Xellos said, that I can find Lina there. And I must say her, that three-headed donkey has eaten Xellos and that Xellos has changed into Martian.  
  
- Oh, I'm sorry Gourry, but now she's chaising Xellos.   
  
- I see. Where did they go? Mayby I'll catch up them.  
  
Filia pointed big hole in the wall.  
  
- Thanks. HAY! LINA! WAIT FOR ME!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Later... in the hospital  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Xellos was laying in bed - he had both legs in plaster, and he was all in bandages. Suddenly (very pretty) nurse came in.   
  
- How's our brave boy today?  
  
- Well, not very well. But small kiss can...  
  
- Not this time. You have a guest.  
  
"I wonder who can it be?" thought Xellos. Nurse went away, and another girl came to room. It was Filia.  
  
- FILIA?! Wow, so you really care about me.  
  
- Yeach, of course. I came here to make sure you won't cure from it too soon.  
  
- ??!!  
  
Filia took her mace and smashed Xellos severaly times in face.   
  
- Bye, bye, Namagomi! - and she went away.  
  
Xellos lay few moments in silence. This time he had also broken nose.  
  
- Aww... that hurt. Anyway, Gourry, before I forget, how did you get in here?  
  
Blonde swordsman who lay on a bed next to Xellos's wakly turned aroung. He had also been in bandages and he had a piece of paper with 'Serious scalds' written on it atached to his bed.  
  
- Well, you know... Lina was very angry, when I disturbed her beating you. But I just wanted to say, that Xellos was eaten by a three-headed donkey and that Xellos has changed into martian. That's all.  
  
- And than she hit you with a Fireball?  
  
- How'd you know that?  
  
- ...  
  
- Oh my god, you're a PROPHET!!! Wow! Tell me, what will happen in the future? Tell me! tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me!  
  
- I'll go CRAZY!!! AAAARRGH!!!  
  
@#!@%$@!#%@#%@  
  
THE END   
  
@#!@%$@!#%@#%@  
  
Well... I've ended it. Don't worry, when I'll think about something funny that can fit into this fic I'll put it in here. Thanks for reviews - without them I wouldn't write it till now. So, please, R&R! Suggestions, corrections of my mistakes and money send to me: akita_inu@poczta.onet.pl  
  
And note that I'm not English, so if someone of you would be so kind and beta me... anyways,please, R&R! 


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